no, really - i'm seething in anger
teeth-grinding, tongue biting fist throwing furious

im not sure if its me being bitter that i have a social life equivalent to a spastic caterpillar -
that i hardly get to see my mother around
that the routine gets so tedious - and tiring
(and if rest is what i need then why cant i go to sleep?)
that everyday aku keluar rumah aku rasa macam pengemis
that however hard i try nothing seems to get done

the irony of it is if i turn around, take a few steps back i'd get caught in a silent crossfire of blame and finger pointing

DO YOU ALL KNOW WHAT YOU'VE BEEN SAYING ABOUT EACH OTHER?
tergamak eh korang

boleh diam, just diam and buat kerja tak
---------------

we were having rehearsals once and I recall the juniors running amok because, well, they were 14 and we all reeked of that salty sweaty rusty stench anyway.

Juwanda couldn't get them to calm down, and we (the none the wiser seniors) couldn't concentrate on our lines. I cant really recall whatever it was that was so bloody funny.

He yelled. You've seen that painting, the one called The Scream? Yeah that was what he looked like, except that instead of having his hand on his cheek

he had one hand slapping his shiny botak head (reminiscent of Bani Haykal but i digress)

"You might not want to do this, you think it's all yeay hooray bloody games. But this is my ricebowl you understand, you dont mess with it. You better bloody respect it."

We shut up afterwards and staged a rather shaky production of Twelfth Night.
But Juwanda, man, wherever you are -
i feel you, yo.